Camping Crypts and Sieging Dungeons
So I have been playing a lot of Dungeon Siege 2 lately, and I must say that I really enjoy getting back to the basics. There is something satisfying about facing down hordes of monsters. A certain pleasure to be found in spilling digital blood in a fantasy realm where even I can be a hero. The developers even went so far as giving everyone voices. I do mean EVERYONE! Every NPC has their own unique and sometimes hilarious voice acting. Oh and this game is very inexpensive. Don’t believe me? Check it out here.
Why do we pretend to be someone else? This is a concept I have been mulling over for some time now. I just watched the episode of Heroes in the third season when Sylar has his little identity crisis. While overall I do not think this season was their best, some of the concepts were cool and this one just happened to coincide with my own problems lately. Is it because we are sentient, that we are cursed to forever seek the truth about ourselves? I used to imagine when I was young, that I was born in the wrong century. That I was meant to be a knight, fighting evil and overcoming horrors and trials in the name of love. We all had these dreams as children, back before the crushing weight of the world squeezed the life from us with responsibilities and burdening us with society’s opinions of what we should be.
Dont worry, this is not a self hating “why me?” blog, if you want that crybaby stuff go somewhere else. I am just examining myself like a diamond under the microscope. My rough cut edges are scars bore from a life of emotional chaos and uncertainty. How can I become better than I am? What do we measure a man by? His accomplishments? His honor? I have done plenty of things to dishonor myself, mostly in my eyes only. Because even though I may be alone, I know what I do is wrong sometimes. How do I stop myself from doing it? How can I save myself from the sin? Who fights against me at every turn to try and shatter my confidence, my honesty and good acts? The duality of man is a mirror into hell. When I die, my soul will decide what type of after life I have in store. If when I die I truly believe I was a good man, then rest and peace will come to me. But if I die thinking I was a bad man, that I did bad things when I knew they were wrong, then there will be no rest for my soul. I will burn in a hell of my own design. Is it the Christian heaven and hell? I have no way of knowing, but I believe that we have more say in our fates than trusting in some power to make it all better. If I am a good man, I will have a good life and afterlife, but if I am not……..well then that is my motivation, because guilt is only the beginning of my suffering.
